The Viable Alternative

I’ve always been fascinated by stories of people transforming their lives in various areas, but in the midst of my fascination, it wasn’t until recently that I realized that I’m going through one of my own.

Last week, last Wednesday to be exact, has marked one year since I started therapy, body oriented therapy that is, and hitting this milestone of completing my “Freshman year” of therapy has compelled my to sit back and reflect how I’ve changed.

I decided to go into therapy for several reasons.

First was to learn in what ways I was sabotaging myself from becoming financially successful and how and why I was keeping myself in a place where I was just “getting by” despite my intelligence, brilliance, diligence and inherent greatness and dynamism.

Second was to deal with my issues of abandonment with women which caused great bouts of anxiety when I’d get involved with women and cause me to sabotage the entire relationship.

Lastly, and this is a spiritual reason so only those who are spiritual will understand, the rest of you will think I’m a weirdo, but I realized that there were dark entities or unclean spirits if you will that were within me that were causing all sorts of setbacks, delay, confusion and self sabotage in my life. These spirits were feeding off the emotions trapped in my body that resulted from past traumas, and to exorcise these spirits from my body, I had to starve them by expunging those negative emotions from within.

Wow, did I just say that?? Who is this guy? 😀

Overall, I was tired of being disconnected from my “power.” When I say power I mean that intangible driving force within that makes you consistently go after THAT life you want and to build THAT grand vision you desire. Sure I was going after my dreams, but something crucial was missing that made me feel I was just going through the motions. It was that piece that gives you that boldness to take steps that are beyond what you normally think you’re capable of but you choose to try anyway because you feel you’re fully worthy of your aspirations.

That power I was missing was that piece that made me authentically feel like me. Though living in this world, I felt disconnected from it because I felt disconnected from the authentic part of myself who had something unique to contribute. It made me feel very insecure and fake. I felt like an empty shell who simply just did life but didn’t actually live it because of my disconnection from my core.

I was also tired of the huge bouts of anxiety and insecurity that would seize me from time to time that I couldn’t seem to shake off at their onset and would subsequently make me behave in self-defeating ways that I felt helpless to do anything about.

Me not being a fan of the traditional way most things are done, figured that this Body Oriented Therapy thing I learned about from a flyer I had picked up in Union Square four years earlier may be the answer to what I had been looking for for years on end, so I called the number and set up my first appointment.

When I first walked into the therapist’s office, I was hoping for him to immediately give me a couple of life changing insights and perform several bodywork techniques on me to remove any emotional blocks so that I could be on my merry old way to becoming uber successful.

I can’t say that happened on my very first visit. What did happen was the first step of a process of a long needed healing and transformation.

It was nine months into my therapy that I started to feel the results, and now, a year later, I do feel like a completely different person.

First off, and I think the most important results of all is that I feel a lot more grounded and connected to my true self. People always used to tell me that I “think too much,” and indeed they were right. I was always up in my head trying to figure things out instead of just being and flowing. That made for me to be in a constant state of analysis paralysis. Now, because of the consistent removal of emotional blocks that has allowed me to be more in my body, I feel a greater sense of my authentic self, and a greater connection to my power.

Because I feel a greater connection to the core of who I am, my spirit, I now feel a greater connection to the One who created me. With this greater sense of connection to God, I have a greater Faith and trust in Him. With that came a full willingness to let go and surrender to Him.

By surrendering to God and trusting in His flow, I no longer feel the desperate urge to strive and struggle, as I used to do because I thought that everything was conspiring against me. Now I have full Faith and trust that everything is working out for me and does work out for me…EVERYTHING. As a part of God and his flow, I know things can’t not work out for me.

This whole realization has given me a lot more calm and peace within.

Because I feel a greater connection to myself, I feel more connected to the world at large. I no longer feel like I’m on the outside looking in. With a greater connection to my authenticity, I now feel I have something to contribute to others. I haven’t had that feeling in years.

Being grounded has also given me a greater connection and awareness of my emotions. As such, I’m no longer subject to their whims in the manner I used to be. When an emotion comes up, instead of automatically reacting to it the way I used to, which was either to suppress it so I didn’t have to feel it, or letting it take over me and take me on a wild ride, I now allow myself to feel the emotion and give it an appropriate outlet so it can be released.

I also feel a lot more comfortable with women. Growing up and into adulthood, I was always terrified of women in one degree or another. Even when I learned how to attract and date women consistently, there still was this underlying fear and discomfort towards them that I tried to hide but would still ultimately manifest itself in one way or another that served to weaken any potential connection between the two of us.

Dealing with my “Mommy issues” and getting more grounded within myself has given me a greater ability and desire to connect to women and have a greater appreciation of who they are and what they uniquely bring to the table as feminine beings.

I also feel a lot lighter, literally. Before I started the healing process, I was overburdened with all these blocked emotions that made my body so stiff and tense from trying to suppress them so I didn’t have to feel them. As I’ve been releasing these emotions in my sessions, my emotional load has been steadily decreasing which has made me feel more light, relaxed, and once again more at peace.

Therapy has also removed the blocks that prevented me from writing on this blog consistently. In fact, this was one of the earliest results of my therapy which took place three months into it. Before this, I couldn’t muster the clarity to write blogs more than only a few times a year, and when I did write them, they took several months for me to complete. Now I have a greater internal clarity that has given me the ability to consistently write a blog a week which in turn has allowed me to build momentum to expand into recording podcasts interviews.

Sharing my gifts with the world has given me a greater sense of self worth which in turn has helped raise my self esteem.

As for my money situation, I can’t say it’s where I want it to be yet, but I feel I’ve been making strides in that area as well on a mental and energetic level, which is great since wealth after all is a manifestation of how you think and money is simply a about the flow of energy.

As I’ve dug deeper within myself in and out of my sessions, I’ve started to uncover a real, palpable fear of success within me that I’m willing to confront so I can connect to my abundance within that awaits me on the other side of that fear.

Also, whereas in the past I’d try to prove to people I was changing and seek validation from them that I was changing, now since I know that I know that I know that I’m transforming on a deep level, I don’t need anyone’s validation about me changing. It’s so up in my face why do I need someone else to confirm it?

Funny, now that I lost the need for other people’s validation, my family and a mentor have told me my demeanour and energy seem different and that I sound more confident.

On top of all this, I’ve been having crazy coincidences, serendipities, and all around interesting experiences on a very regular basis that has served to my life quite interesting and exciting, and I have a feeling as I continue to heal, transform and grow, there’s a lot more to come.

Whew….I’m ready for the ride!

As I close this, I’ll say that healing isn’t for the faint of heart. I’ve had to deal with very uncomfortable emotions, face some hard truths about myself and stop running from my pain so I can deal with it. It’s been challenging, it’s been hard, BUT it’s so far, it’s been worth it.

I look forward to my “Sophomore Year” of therapy and the continued transformation, growth and healing it brings.

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps,

Ike Love