The Viable Alternative

Let’s face it, as negative sounding as the title sounds, most people walking around the planet are extremely unhappy and will most likely stay that way. If you have any question about my claim that most people are unhappy, just look at the high divorce rate, the high rate of crime, the drug abuse, the wars that go on due to people’s egos, the amount of people on depression meds, etc, etc. Here are ten reasons why you’re unhappy and likely to remain that way. I’ll even go as far as to say that I’m not innocent of some of the things on this list either, and have to consistently remain vigilant so as not to fall into some of these patterns.

1. You’re a very jealous person.

We’ve all felt jealousy at some point in our lives. Ask yourself, when you felt jealous, did it make you happy? Did it feel good?

The answer, if you’re pretending not to know, is “No,” I’m sure it didn’t. Jealousy comes from a place where you’re unhappy with what you have, who you are or what you’re dealing with, and you want what the object of your jealousy has, so you resent them for having it. Rather than looking at what the person is, what the person has or what the person has accomplished and using that as inspiration to be, accomplish or have what’s unique to you and your heart’s desires, you’re instead wasting your energy on being angry, bitter and resentful.

Instead of being touched moved and inspired by your own possibilities and potential, instead of taking responsibility to create a life of your own that reflects your heart’s desires, and lastly, instead of being HAPPY for that other person, you choose anger and resentment.

Moreover, you stay stuck in this way because it makes you feel justified, it gives you some type of perverse satisfaction to feel “right” while making the other wrong. In the end though, it doesn’t make you happy.

2. You have absolutely no self awareness whatsoever.

You’ve heard the phrase, “Madness is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.” If not, I think you get the gist. You get into dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationship, or you keep on attracting psycho girls or abusive men and complain “Why me?” You can’t hold down a job, or you’re estranged from your family, or you’re always having falling outs with people, or you’ve always done lousy with the opposite sex and you think that life somewhat has it in for you.

The fact of the matter is, you’re getting the same pitiful outcomes in life because you’ve never bothered to pick yourself apart and ask yourself what about you may be causing these results, or what you can do differently to get better results. You’ve never stood outside of yourself and asked yourself how you may be occurring to the world or to people that’s causing the results you’re not happy with. You’ve never stopped to ask yourself what habits that YOU have that have made your life a mess. You’re so oblivious to who you are to the extent that you even judge or complain about people doing something and a minute later you do the same exact thing yourself.

Your lack of self-awareness is causing you to sleepwalk through your unhappy life doing the same thing ad nauseum to create more unhappiness, and it ain’t going to change until you wake up.

3. You refuse to face your issues.

Okay, so maybe you are self aware. You know you have a drinking problem. You know your life is a mess. You know that YOU pick all the wrong partners. You know that you have a low self-esteem. You know all these things but yet you choose to do nothing about it because you’re afraid to face yourself. You’re more comfortable complaining or talking about your issues than rolling up your sleeves and actually dealing with them. You’d rather continue to drink or eat to self-medicate rather than dealing with root cause of why your self medicating in the first place.

Well, just so you know, ignoring an issue doesn’t make it magically go away. No matter where you go, there you are, you and your unhappiness.

4. You have unhealed emotional wounds

If you were the product of divorce when you were a child, if one or both of your parents emotionally or physically abused you, if you were in a physically abusive relationship for a number of years, if one of your parents weren’t around, if you were sexually abused, or if you were bullied as a child among other things, you almost certainly have an emotional wound due to the experience that is causing you some type of pain. I talk about this more here, but needless to say, just like physical pain takes away from your physical well being, emotional pain takes away from your emotional well being, and the last time I checked, happiness is a part of emotional well being.

Until the wound is healed usually through help by some type of counseling or therapy, the pain will continue to negatively affect your happiness on some level.

5. You refuse to forgive

Hey, I’m no angel in this, I will be the first to say that this hasn’t been an easy thing for me either. We think that forgiveness gives us power because we get to hold something against someone who we feel wronged us. However, by continuously holding onto a grudge against someone, we continue to allow ourselves to remain a victim of that person, and tell me, when has being a victim ever made a person happy?

It is said that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Frankly, holding onto negative emotions like anger, bitterness, or resentment because of what someone said or did or didn’t do saps energy that could otherwise be used for something more productive, and when held on for too long causes aging, disease, and sickness.

So, by holding onto these things, where is there rooms for happiness?

6. You settle for everything in life

Yeah, admit it, you knew that the girl you married wasn’t for you, but you married her anyway because you were afraid of being alone and felt you couldn’t do better. You’re working at a miserable job but you’re afraid to leave it because you’re afraid that it’ll disappoint everyone in your family. You went to a mediocre school three blocks from your house instead of a more prestigious school that you could’ve gotten into had you tried because you didn’t think you were worth it. Your life represents a huge billboard of someone who has opted for things in life he wasn’t crazy about or flat out didn’t like but chose anyway because he thought he didn’t deserve better.

It is said that a hope deferred makes a heart go sick. When you ignore the urgings of your soul by settling for something that pales in comparison, you have to justify the unhappiness that results by lying to yourself, hoping that if you lie long or “well” enough, your unhappiness will somehow change to happiness. To that I quote the actor, Samuel L. Jackson, in the movie, “Juice,” ” Pouring syrup on sh*t don’t make pancakes.”

7. You like being a victim

I get it. You have money problems now because your emotionally abusive father repeatedly told you you were nothing as a child. You have an ulcer because people have a knack for stressing you out. You isolate yourself and push people in your life away because you’re miserable that your baby’s Daddy won’t play nice. You feel betrayed because your family who’s supposed to stick by your side through thick and thin finally got sick and tired of your antics and refused to bail you out of yet another problem.

As far as you’re concerned, you’ve been wronged in some way so it gives you the PERFECT right to assume the identity of being a victim and blame the other person for your issues, behaviour, and circumstances. It gives you that feeling of power to feel that you were wronged. It gets you sympathy from others. It also absolves you of all that annoying work that’s involved in taking responsibility over your own life, your own issues, your own behaviour and your own happiness. Why do that when you can simply blame someone else for not doing it for you?

So yeah, you’re a victim, and you like it. It gets you all these perks, so you’re going to stick with it. But be warned, I’ve never met a happy victim in my life.

8. You’re waiting for others to give you permission to be successful

Damn people! You’re a great guy or girl but the world is trying to keep you down by continuously hating on you and not seeing you want them to see you. They tell you you’re a loser, they tell you that you’re not worthy of the things you want in life, they tell you you’re not good enough to achieve your dreams. Why won’t anyone give you your props? A little approval will go a long way!

Hey, this was once my complaint as a teenager and I was the perfect miserable bastard for it. I put my destiny in others’ hands and was angry at the world for not giving me the permission I felt I needed to be who I wanted to be and have what I wanted to have. When I found out that I could appoint myself the right to be successful, a lot of my anger towards the world disappeared.

Deriving happiness with a mindset that expects others to give you permission to be successful rather than giving yourself the permission is like planting apple seeds and expecting an orange tree to sprout up. I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon, but then again, maybe I’m the one’s who’s stupid.

9. You live a completely boring life that has absolutely no passion.

You wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV and go to bed, and then you wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV and go to bed, and then…*yawn*.. you wake up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, and go to bed day after day, month after month, year after year. In between, you pay bills and may take a vacation every now and then if you’re lucky.

Henry David Thoreau had the perfect quote for your life, “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.” You just carry on a mindless routine that’s devoid of any purpose, direction or passion until one day, it all comes to end, and they throw you into the ground and throw dirt on you. To numb your boredom, you go drinking with your buddies, you go shopping with your girlfriends, you sit on your couch and play “Call of Duty” for hours on end, or you gossip about others who actually living their lives. You don’t happen to life, rather life happens to you, and you just react. You’re a mere spectator of life, watching others make things happen and subject the whims of those who actually had the courage to step out of their comfort zones and passionately make something happen.

Your body is nourished by proper food, rest and exercise, and your soul is nourished by the fulfillment derived from pursuing something you’re passionate about. To deny your soul of passion is to starve it, and a starving soul is an unhappy soul.

10. Your attitude sucks.

Someone brings up a person’s name, and you immediately talk about how much of a douchebag or a bitch you think he or she is. Someone brings up a dream or aspiration, and you immediately shoot it down. Someone brings up something inspiring that someone else accomplished, and you pull down your pants and take a dump on it.

You constantly search for faults in others, and you constantly bring up the worst case scenario. You expect the worst in people and as far as you’re concerned, nothing works out.

When people accuse you of being negative, you beg to differ. You’re not negative you protest, you’re just realistic, and everyone else around you needs to get a clue.

Ummm..no, YOU’RE the one that needs to get a clue that you ARE negative and your attitude sucks. “Reality” is different things to different people, and yours is negative. Get a truly happy person who actually loves his life, and you’ll find that his “reality” is quite different than yours.

Hope this helps.

Ike Love