The Viable Alternative

When I started my journey of self improvement, one of my goals was to get rid of the persistent, negative voice that I heard in my head that would constantly bring up my past mistakes and tell me that I was a loser, I was going to fail, I was worthless, to give up, etc, etc. This constant chatter took away my confidence, made me thoroughly insecure, and made me reluctant to try anything.

There are many people out there who have become aware of this negative voice and are clueless as to how to stop it. Many self-help books and “gurus” out there that tout the use of affirmations as a way to stop the negative voice. Well, I don’t know about you, but as for me, affirmations never worked to eliminate the negative voice.

Over years of trial and error, toil and frustration, these have been the four most effective ways I’ve found that have worked for me to help overcome this negative voice.

1. Change the way you respond to negative thoughts.

   I think the whole problem that people have with overcoming their negative voice is that they’re trying to look for ways to stop it altogether. I believe this is a waste of time. You can’t stop the negative voice DIRECTLY, but you can change the way you respond to it.

   The issue with negative thoughts that come up is that we respond to them negatively. When a negative thought comes up we tend to agree with it, or respond to it emotionally by getting upset, angry or sad. We’ve been doing it this way for so long that it’s become a habit and it’s been wired in our brains to respond in this way. However, we can re-condition ourselves to respond to our negative thoughts in a more positive, constructive way.

   When a thought comes up that tells you you’re stupid, rather than agree with it, or get sad or discouraged, you have it within your power to choose a different response. The key to taking control is to become aware of when the negative thought comes up, and then to train yourself to respond in a different way emotionally or mentally. Do it enough times, and you’ll form a new habit that will serve you rather than work against you.

2. Become aware of your emotions and how you respond to them.

   At one time, I thought that everything was about thinking and that emotions can be ignored altogether. The problem was by believing this, I was denying an important part of who I was and neglecting a major piece in my personal growth.

   Understanding that just as thought can produce emotions, emotions can in turn produce thoughts was a key factor in me starting to take control of the constant barrage of negative thinking that was going on in my head. When we feel happy, we tend to think happy, when we feel sad, we tend to think sad, and when we feel angry, we tend to think angry thoughts.

   To add, many of us are completely numb as to what is going on in our bodies because we’re so stuck in our heads, but if we start to take note of what’s going on in our bodies, we’ll start to notice there is a whole world of emotions that’s going on in us that we’ve been hitherto completely unaware of. Many are stuck emotions that we’ve experienced in the past that we’ve never let go of but are STILL sending messages to our brains to trigger negative thoughts.

   This is the reason why many negative thoughts seem to come from nowhere and affirmations don’t seem to work in eliminating them. In actuality, they’re coming from our emotions and so they have to be dealt with on an emotional level.

   The good news is, the way we think after we feel a certain way isn’t set in stone. The only reason why we think a certain way after feeling a certain way is because we’re conditioned to do so. We can take note of how we feel and re-train ourselves to think a different way.

3. Change your body language

   A fairly recent branch of science called neuroscience has discovered what spirituality has known for eons, that the mind are body are one, i.e. the mind is the body and the body is the mind. This means that what going on in the body is a reflection of what’s going on in the mind and vice versa.

   To illustrate, a person who is depressed is going to be carrying his body a certain way and a different way from someone who is happy. A depressed person may have his shoulders hunched over and a flaccid gait. When you’re thinking a certain way consistently, your body tends to correspond with a physiology to reflect your thoughts, which turns signals back to your brain, causing a continuous feedback loop resulting in a fixed way of being.

   In turn, when you position your body a certain way, it signals to your brain what thoughts and feelings to produce. You try hunching your shoulders over and adopting the physiology of someone who has a low self-esteem, and notice how you start feeling less confident and thinking more negative thoughts.

   Again, the problem is that we’re so used to exhibiting certain body language because we’ve been doing it for so long that we’re totally unaware of how we’re carrying ourselves on a regular basis. This habitual body language, if “negative,” has been triggering negative thoughts. To begin to change that, we need to become more aware of what our bodies are doing and begin to consciously choose body language that doesn’t correspond to us being depressed, anxious, angry, insecure, etc.

4. Breathe deeper.

   You know, I never thought I’d be saying this one because I used to think it was corny and cliche, but actually, in my own personal journey, I’ve come to see this as very helpful.

   Often, the misery of negative thinking is that we feel trapped inside our heads with no way of getting out. When this is going on, we’re usually obsessing over something that happened or worried about what might happen in the future.

   What we need to do when this happens is GET OUT OF OUR HEADS! We do this by breathing deeply into our diaphragms to reengage the rest of our body. When we’re trapped in our heads, we literally are cutting ourselves off from the rest of our bodies and our breathing in subsequently shallow. By reengaging the rest of our body through deep breathing, we bring ourselves out of the past or what we’re worried about in the future and into the present moment.

   When we’re in the present moment, we’re in our bodies rather than our heads, giving us access to our inner resources and treasures. Rather than think, we can just be, living from moment to moment.

   Practicing meditation is a good way to get into this habit.

Changing our thinking requires us to simply become more aware of what’s going on in our minds and bodies. By coming more aware, we can make the necessary changes needed to take control and create a life that reflects the inner resources and treasures we have within.

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps,

Ike Love