The Viable Alternative

We have a dilemma going on…

In this day and age, due to the advances made in technology or changes in thinking, we’re witnessing a number of societal changes that have adversely affected men, namely in the West, that include:

• young boys coddled by society to protect their self esteem by among other things, giving them a trophy not for excellence but just for participating in a game
• an increasing amount of boys being raised in single parent households led by a woman where they didn’t grow up with any positive male role models that show them what it means to be a healthy, balanced man
• the ability to troll and talk tough behind the safety of an internet account without needing to back it up in person or any in person repercussions from the person or people you were mouthing off to
• the preponderance of web sites such as Netflix, Hulu, Disney, Amazon Prime, YouTube and a limitless amount of porn sites that provide cheap dopamine hits and endless avenues of distraction
• the ability to shop, order food and perform many important duties in your life without having to talk to a human being
• truly advanced video and online games that, when you dive into their rabbit hole, give you the grand illusion that you are actually living an exciting life
• “the easy bake society” where, through all the conveniences that are at our fingertips, fool us into thinking that everything should be predictable, easy, straightforward and handed to us

What has occurred because of this is a large number of men out there who are sheltered from “life.”

When I say “life,” I mean the myriad of things that can potentially occur in this existence that we can’t predict or control but make us tougher, resilient, capable, confident and reveal to us who our inherent greatness due to the subsequent trials and tribulations that forge, hone and refine our inner resources and treasures.

Men who are sheltered feel unprepared and incapable of facing life, so they hide from it by clinging to their comfort zones, being risk averse, avoiding conflict, and living uninspired, predictable, stale lives where even though they’re living, they’re not alive. In addition, when something goes wrong or not as planned, it’s likely to trigger a response that disproportionate to the situation at hand because there’s no proper context within them that enables them to discern between an actual emergency and normal, everyday occurrence.

You can see it in the eyes and feel it in the bones of such men that something is missing. It’s like their fire has been extinguished or never got a chance to be ignited in the first place.

I believe that some men don’t know that they don’t know that something is missing because they’ve been swimming in it for so long, however, I believe that there are many other men who are aware that something is missing. They feel a sense of powerlessness and emasculation from the very compensatory behaviours that they employ to hide from themselves and from life, but they have no idea about how to actually stop this cycle.

Men, if this sounds like you, here are 8 tips how reconnect to your strength and ignite that flame to make you feel alive:

1. Join an MMA or Martial Arts Gym Where You Will Get Punched in the Face or Choked Out

I believe it was Mike Tyson that coined the phrase, “Everybody has a plan till they get punched in the face.” Whoever coined the phrase encapsulated a brilliant metaphor for life. A punch in the face is a very sober reminder that while you may have plans for your life, life has it’s own plans and obstacles for your plans. Are you gonna continue to show up, adapt and readjust, or are you going to cry, take your ball, and go home back to your Mom’s basement?

That initial punch in your face or chokehold (or submission lock) will truly wake you up to the fact that it is a jungle out there filled with people who are willing to take your head off to get what they want and that if you want something, you’re going to have to learn how to fight for it. People are not going to roll over and simply hand things to you because you’re some special snowflake who people should be “nice” to. It will show you that if you want to “play” in life, there are ramifications just for simply putting yourself out there.

2. When you see that hot girl that you’re attracted to, rather than sit there desperately drooling over or ogling her, go approach her even if she might HARSHLY shut you down.

There are too many men living vicariously through other men who have an abundant dating life, or desperately thirsting under the pictures of Instagram models whom they’ll never meet, or hating on other men who they’re jealous of because these men had the b*lls to go and create the dating life while they just sit home FAPPing to porn all day, or dating women they’re not attracted to in unsatisfying relationships, or living lives of involuntary celibacy all because they’re afraid of rejection.

Let’s put a stop to this insanity. What’s holding people like you back is the fact that you don’t want to experience the feelings of rejection n your body if a woman rejects you harshly. THIS is what’s holding you back from taking the steps to live the life that you want, an unwillingness to feel those unpleasant feelings. So, to stop living in this self made prison, you have to go and approach that woman you find hot and expose your nervous system to these feelings.

What you will find is that if you happen to get rejected, and you remain present with the subsequent sensations in your body, no matter how uncomfortable they may be, THEY’RE NOT GOING TO MAIM OR KILL YOU.

You will also expose yourself to what is emotionally involved when you go after something you want and will be provided with a wonderful opportunity to find ways to constructively deal with it.

3. Travel to a Place You’ve Never Been To By Yourself Where You Don’t Know Anybody

When I was younger, I always used to think that if I wanted to go somewhere, I needed to find someone who’d be willing to go with me because God forbid I’d ever travel to a strange place by myself where I don’t know anybody. Well, of course, the people around me either only paid lip service to traveling or didn’t share the same desire.

This left me feeling resentful towards these people and trapped because there was something I felt I needed from these people to enable me to do what I wanted to do and I wasn’t getting it from them.

It wasn’t until I saw someone I knew travel by himself to the Dominican Republic and spend a month there that it finally dawned on me that I didn’t need anyone to travel with to go and visit the places that I wanted to see and that I could give my own self the permission by choosing to go on my own.

This was truly freeing and liberating and made me feel like I was the captain of my own destiny. Since then, not only do I travel by myself most of the time, but I love and prefer it.

Moreover, going on these adventures by myself helped me to familiarize myself with me on deeper levels that I wouldn’t have been able to experience had I been with someone.

4. Engage in at least a 24, 36 or 48 hour water fast.

A water fast is when you abstain from food and drink water for a certain amount of time.

There are numerous mental, physical and spiritual benefits to fasting that you should take into account with fasting. However, my MAIN point of telling you to do a water fast is for you to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. In this case, the discomfort will be hunger.

When we’re feeling discomfort like hunger, we’re quick to remedy it with a snack or a meal, but what if instead of doing that, we were to sit with this feeling of hunger? What can we learn about ourselves and life from doing that? What can we further learn about ourselves and life if we knew we’re going to have to sit with and learn how to deal with this feeling for a certain amount of time without remedying it with food?

The phenomenon of this society is that there is always food readily available to us, but throughout most of our history on this planet, this hasn’t been the case. We didn’t have refrigerators to store leftover food nor did we have supermarkets to go to that have shelves stocked with food waiting for us to buy. We had to hunt for or gather our food, or, when we discovered agriculture, we had to grow our food that was subject to the whims of the seasons that determined how much food we had to harvest. Thus, for most of our history, food wasn’t always guaranteed.

We are, on an evolutionary level, equipped to deal with hunger. That’s how we evolved. Now I’m not saying to go starve yourself, but getting in touch with those feelings of hunger periodically will get you in touch with that primal part of you AND also help get you out of your comfort zone of predictability which will help connect you to your strength.

5. Engage in Uncomfortable Conversations with People Who’ve Crossed Personal Boundaries

Many of us will do anything to avoid conflict, even if the potential conflict is around someone crossing a boundary ours that we didn’t like or appreciate because the feelings surrounding such situations are just too damn uncomfortable and confronting.

The thing is, when we allow people to cross boundaries, it builds resentment within us towards that person, and resentment held in our bodies over a long period of time can cause a litany of health issues.

Also, when we let people cross boundaries without addressing them, it makes us feel disempowered because our bodies are witnessing us not standing up for ourselves, and when we feel disempowered, we come at life disabled and handicapped, which has a negative effect on the quality of life that we live.

When you’re willing to engage in those uncomfortable conversations, we honour ourselves which has a positive effect on our self esteem which gives us a sense of personal power that we can stand up for ourselves.

6. When You’re Bored, Anxious or Generally Uncomfortable, Rather Than Try to Distract Yourself by or Chase a Cheap Dopamine Hit from Porn, Social Media, Food, Alcohol, Weed or Binge Watching Netflix, Hulu, Etc, SIT with the Emotions

We’ve been screwed over by a shallow, wounded society in such a way that we’re taught that if we’re not feeling the emotion of happiness for one second, we have chase that cheap hit of dopamine to distract ourselves from whatever uncomfortable feeling we’re experiencing. \

Newsflash sir: Life is made of a myriad of emotions that includes but is not limited to happiness. To be truly alive is to experience ALL these emotions – the pleasant and the unpleasant. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to experience an emotion other than happiness.

As a matter of fact, you can not FULLY enjoy happiness if you’re unwilling to feel and experience all the other emotions.

Emotions are a cue into the needs of the mind, body and spirit. Feeling them allows us to meet our needs, heal past wounds that hinder us, and help us become present so we can connect to the core of who we are.

The next time you’re feeling uncomfortable, notice what your knee jerk reaction or go to activity is to distract yourself from these feelings and self medicate, stop yourself from engaging in said activity, and sit with the emotion and see what it has to show and teach you.

One of the things you will again notice is that the feelings are not going to kill you and that you’re capable of handling a lot more than you thought you could.

7. Be Willing to Stand on an Unpopular View You Genuinely Have No Matter the Amount of Criticism, Pushback or Social Pressure You Receive to Change It.

In the age of Cancel Culture and polarization, there has been an accompanying pressure to conform to groupthink so as not to get ostracized, shamed, attacked or canceled, resulting in many people outright changing their views to those that don’t match their core values, or pretending to have certain views, or being afraid to stand up for what they believe in at those appropriate times.

If this sounds like you, let me share with you something: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO AGREE WITH ANY OR EVERYONE 100% OF THE TIME. NEITHER ARE YOU SUPPODED TO.

The fact that you don’t agree with any or everyone attests to the fact that we’re all unique individuals. If you try to force yourself to agree with everyone in order to fit in and avoid the supposed ramifications, you’re giving up a part of who you are which leads to you living inauthentically.

When you’re living inauthentically, you’re living from a place of disempowerment.

Now I’m not saying that you go out and vomit every bizarre opinion, quirk or view you have onto everyone who’ll listen. Neither am I saying that you share your opinion at an inappropriate time or place that doesn’t call for it. What I am saying is that there will come a time when you will be challenged to either stand on what you believe in or tuck your tail in between your legs and conform.

It may not be an easy choice, but remember, it’s better to be hated for being someone who you are, than to be loved for being someone who you’re not.

One choice gives you a power that comes from living authentically, and the other leaves you with the emasculation that comes with self betrayal.

8. Be Willing to Pursue that Big Dream or Goal that Exposes You to Failure, Rejection and Uncertainty

Many men have consciously built lives that shield them from failure, rejection and unpredictability. Now, that’s fine for some people because that’s just their constitution. I’ve seen many men who work a regular 9 to 5 gig that are completely happy and fulfilled.

However, for some of you, although this life may be safe, predictable and comfortable, the mere act of creating such a life was you telling yourself that you are too weak to really go for that BIG dream that really ignites your heart and would truly fulfills you because the accompanying uncertainty, failure, and rejection that comes along with it will be too much for you to handle.

So you’re safe, but you’re living a life of quiet desperation, living vicariously through sports teams, and people who are actually going for it in life in hopes of siphoning off some of their excitement that sorely lacking from your own life.

Again, as said earlier, you’re living an unsatisfying life all because you’re afraid of experiencing certain feelings in your body. This fear has cost you your vitality and has left you feeling weak and impotent.

The solution?

You guessed it. By listening to your heart and going after that lofty dream, you gain a power that comes from listing to your heart, and you’re able to develop a strength and resilience that comes with dealing with the inevitable rejection, failure and uncertainty that comes along with it.

9. Learn How to Cook for Yourself

This may seem strange and out of place when I’m telling you as one of my points to go join an MMA gym where you’ll get punched in the face, but follow me here.

I always knew how to make some food for myself since living on my own, but for the most part, it didn’t require too much preparation. It wasn’t really until the Pandemic that I truly learned to cook myself food that I wouldn’t normally eat unless I went to my parents’ place or bought from outside.

This has given me a sense of sovereignty for several reasons.

First, it has given me a sense that I can care for and nurture myself by making dishes that I normally would get from my parents’ place that I look forward to coming home and eating because to me, it tastes great.

Second, it has given me more control over what I put into my own body because I’m the one who’s buying the ingredients to make the food rather than putting it in the hands of someone else who may be including things in my food that may not be healthy for me.

There’s a visceral strength I get from being able to do this that I can’t be verbally explained.

Although I didn’t say it outright, but the true importance of this point goes beyond the point of learning how to cook for yourself to learning how to nurture yourself so you don’t become needy and wind up seeking it from others.

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps.

Ike Love