The Viable Alternative

A friend of mine called me the other day from the JFK airport while waiting to board a plane to Europe that was delayed indefinitely due to mechanical issues. The trip he was making was a gift to himself for his 40th birthday. Since he had ample time to spare we had plenty of time to catch up.

During the conversation, one of the subjects we discussed was the fact that he was traveling to Europe totally alone, without the company of family, friends, co-workers or a significant other.

We talked about this subject in depth because I too have experience with traveling alone to a country where I’ve never been to before and didn’t know anyone. In 2008, I traveled to the Dominican Republic by myself for a week without telling anyone except for my family. In fact, knowing him over the years as a friend who like me was also consciously on a path of continuous personal growth and development, had encouraged him to do the same because I believe the experience of traveling alone is a very effective way to learn about yourself, grow as an individual and explore living outside your comfort zone.

A lot of successful people list this as one of the key things to do to grow as an individual. I believe that this was my friend’s third such trip he was taking since I had encouraged him several years back.

What we both found interesting was the surprise some people had expressed when we had shared with them that we traveled to a place by ourselves where we didn’t know anybody. To them it was as miraculous as parting the Red Sea for the simple fact that they could NEVER imagine traveling by themselves. To them, going somewhere was what you did with someone or you didn’t do at all.

Be the change you want to see.”
– Gandhi

We also discussed how during those days before we ourselves had the courage to travel alone, the frustrating experience of trying to organize a trip with friends and having everyone make excuses as to why they couldn’t go. HOWEVER, when we decided to go somewhere by ourselves without telling anyone, when we got back, the same people who had balked at our previous attempts organize a trip or had never expressed any interest in going anywhere demanded to know where we went, why we didn’t invite them and INSISTED on us taking them with us on our next trip.

To the both of us, this was a very fascinating teachable lesson in that the best way to lead and influence other people is to first take leadership in our own lives This means to stop waiting for others to give us the permission to live the lives that we want to live, and instead, take the first step by appointing ourselves the right to have what we want to have, be what we want to be, and live how we want to live and then take steps towards actualizing that vision.

I remember reading online the personal journey of a guy whose dating life sucked as did his friends’ around him. He desperately wanted to improve his situation but his friends, who had all these limiting beliefs about themselves and asinine notions about women that kept them in their pathetic dating situation, refused to do anything to improve their situation and instead were content to sit around and complain.

When the guy decided to get this part of his life handled by going out more regularly to meet women, improving himself and hanging around other guys who were successful with women, some of his friends fell by the wayside and some, who had previously refused to go out and socialize were inspired by the example he set and came out with him sometimes.

There are many people who are stuck in unsatisfying, unfulfilling lives because they’re waiting for people around them to “come with them.” They think that others joining them in whatever path will legitimize what they want to do. They’re also afraid of being “alone.”

Well, the truth of the matter is, not everyone is meant to join you on the journey your heart desires to take. Also, you going forward to live how you want to live is validation enough. After you take that step, those who were meant to come with you will come and those who weren’t you’ll either wind up outgrowing or not seeing a need to spend as much time with them as you once did because you won’t be able to relate to them in the same way.

I’m starting to see that leaders are leaders not only for the simple fact that people follow them, but more importantly because they were the ones who had the courage to lead themselves in going after what they want or becoming who they want to be at a time when everyone else was too afraid or too content to leave their comfort zone. When people see them taking charge over their own destiny, others are either emboldened or inspired to do the same thing in their own lives because someone is bearing witness that “it can be done.” If they’re not emboldened or inspired, they may get rattled into taking action because all the excuses they had of why they can’t or won’t do anything are eliminated by the person who chose to take the step forward.

If you want to influence others, the best possible way is to set an example by making the changes you want to see in your own life, or as Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.”

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps,

Ike Love