The Viable Alternative

“Nice guys finish last.”

“She only likes the bad boys.”

“You’re too nice.”

“How come I only attract the a**holes?”

“Women never appreciate a nice guy like me.”

“All guys are jerks!”

These are just some of the common phrases that have been uttered by men and women in regards to the type of men that exist in the dating world. In most people’s minds, there only exists two type of guys: the “jerk” (or a**hole, but to keep it “clean” we’ll stick to “jerk”), or the “nice guy.”

the Nice Guy vs. the Jerk

The nice guy is the respectful guy who’s “nice” to women. He buys her flowers, compliments her, and will never ever cheat on his girlfriend. However, oddly enough, he’s the same guy who a girl goes out with once or a twice and winds up getting “friend zoned.” He’s the guy who spends hundreds of dollars on lavish dinner dates with a woman only to get a peck on the cheek at the end of the date, as she goes and calls her “friends with benefits” who never bought her as much as a french fry, for another marathon sex session in the back of the old van he lives in. He’s the guy who paints the house of a woman he’s professed his undying love to over and over again, while she gets banged out by her on-again-off-again boyfriend who she broke up with yet again because she found out he slept with her best friend.

The jerk is the guy who mistreats women. They’re the “player” guys with three or four women in rotation. They’re the guys that lie and cheat on women. Some are even abusive emotionally and/or physically. They’re the guys that if they have girlfriends, will go M.I.A. a couple of weeks on their girlfriends without bothering to call or text simply because they, “Felt like it.” They’re the guys that forget all the dates that are important to their women, like their birthday, Valentine’s Day and their anniversary simply because they just, “Don’t give a ****.” They’re selfish, completely indifferent to the needs of the women they’re involved with, and really only care about themselves.

Naturally, one would assume that the nice guy should be having to beat women off with a stick because he treats women nice, while the jerk should be repelling women because frankly, he’s a douchebag, but in the world of dating, things aren’t so “logical.” More often than not, we see all the jerks getting all the girls while the nice guy can’t even buy a date. It’s the nice guy who is often besides himself in confusion as to why girls can’t see how much of a nice guy he is and are constantly overlooking him for all the douchebags. It’s the nice guy who winds up being the shoulder to cry on for the girl he’s been madly in love with for YEARS about yet another jerk guy who used and abused her. It’s the nice guy who keeps on getting rejected by the woman of his dreams who dates all the wrong men because she “Loves him like a brother.”

Let’s pour some beer out to all the nice guys out there!

So what happens to some of these nice guys? Some, like me in my late teens, say, “Hey, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” and turn into that douchebag guy who mistreats women. When they do this, they see their “luck” begins to change and that they start to get more girls.

However, a few things start to happen among these “former nice guys.” First, they start to notice that most of the women they attract this way are completely insecure, hence why they put up with the subpar treatment. Second, they eventually meet a girl they really like, who is what they call “wifey material,” but due to the continuous mistreatment, the girl eventually gets fed up and dumps the dude, leaving him heartbroken. Third, they start to wonder to themselves, “Is this the only way I can get girls, by displaying my worst parts?”

Then you have women, like one I was involved with a few years ago, who’ll date the bad boy who’s charming, exciting, and a great lover, but wind up leaving him because either they were abusive, or had no ambition, or had some substance abuse problem, or simply couldn’t relate to her beyond the physical. After dating a number of guys like this, they find the congenial nice guy who treats them well, but they wind up leaving him as well because they get bored with them.

What gives?

The Nice Guy EXPOSED

Well, first off, the nice guy is not really a “nice” guy. His niceness is a way to get approval from women which is very manipulative in its own right. Many nice guys are nice because they hope that if they’re nice the world will treat them right and give them what they want. Nice guys want the same thing that jerks do, to get the girl, but while the jerk is upfront about what he wants, the nice guy runs the game of being nice because he doesn’t have the balls to be upfront which is very deceptive. Many women see right through this facade, and even if they don’t directly see it, in the least his behaviour doesn’t cause her to be attracted to him.

In addition, the nice guy is unassertive, needy, puts the needs of others before himself which people don’t respect, he lets people walk all over him, has weak boundaries, and won’t stand up for himself.

Yeah, they’re “nice,” but it comes from a very inauthentic place.

The Jerk EXPOSED

The jerk, on the other hand, though he’s assertive, stands up for himself, takes control, and is confident, he comes from a very insecure place. He may be confident in his ability to pull girls due repeated demonstrative performance, but that doesn’t mean that he’s secure with who he is, especially since he sees it fit to mistreat women. Thus, he may take control in situations, but he does it from place of trying to control others rather than being in control of himself. He may put his needs first, but it’s at the expense of others. Also, though he has defined boundaries, but he doesn’t respect the boundaries of others.

Thus, a guy like this may be initially attractive to a lot of woman, but a woman who has a healthy self esteem will see a dude like this a mile away and avoid him altogether or eventually tire of such a dude and wind up dumping him, leaving him for all the women with low self esteem and tons of Daddy issues.

The problem with all this is that there are a lot of women out there who are jaded because they think these two types of guys are the only options they have to choose from.

However in my own path, I’ve learned that this a “third way,” The Viable Alternative if you will, to the other two options, that many women don’t know exist.

That third option is the “good guy.”

The Good Guy Saves the Day

I remember a few years ago on the first telephone conversation I had with a woman I wound up getting involved with, explaining this whole concept to her because she too seemed to vacillate between the two extremes with no idea that there was a viable alternative out there. In fact, she later on told me that it was through this conversation that she decided to go out with me because I intrigued her.

The good guy will treat a woman well, but he also has firm, healthy boundaries that if a woman crosses, he has no problem cutting her loose. His treating women well comes from a place of having a healthy self esteem and as such, he does it because he wants to do it not because he’s trying to get the woman’s approval or get something from her. Though he treats women well, he has no problem calling them out on their b.s. and won’t tolerate any mistreatment on their part towards him. He knows his worth and what he has to bring to the table, so he doesn’t settle for second class behaviour or women.

The good guy is assertive, and takes the lead in situations, but rather from a place of trying to control other people, he does it because he’s in control of himself and seeks to add value to a situation or experience.

The good guy does put his own needs first, but not at the expense of others and not without considering the other person’s needs.

The good guy operates with integrity and as such, will never lie to or cheat on the women he’s with. He sees the situation between the two of them as win-win rather than win-lose or lose-win, where a person feels for him to win his partner has to lose and vice versa.

Finally, the good guy has a good understanding of his own, intrinsic value, and what he has to offer to the world, so he doesn’t need the approval of his woman or anyone for that matter, so he’s not needy. Because he has his own purpose to pursue in his own life, he’s not clingy nor insistent that his woman spends every waking moment with him. Yet, because he respects the woman and their relationship, he loves to spend quality time with her to nurture their relationship.

Admittedly, it’s a lot harder to be a good guy than the nice guy or the jerk, because being a good guy takes a lot of inner work, being willing to continuously grown and evolve, living in integrity, and the taking of personal responsibility to be your best self. That’s why there’s so few good guys and a plethora of nice guys and jerks, because many people don’t want to do the work it takes to be a good guy.

If you’re a guy, seek to develop into the good guy. It may not be easy, but the effort will be well worth it. Not only will you be happier and more fulfilled, you’ll also attract a higher quality of women.

And if you’re a woman, not only should you seek out such a guy because they have both the “desirable” qualities of the nice guy and the jerk, but you should develop yourself to become the type of woman that should attract such a guy, because such a guy knows his worth and just won’t settle for any old woman.

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps,

Ike Love