The Viable Alternative

Imagine if you lived on 34th Street in Manhattan (just to let you know if you’ve never been to Manhattan in New York City before, most of the streets in the borough are numbered), and you had a desire to go downtown to 14th Street because you had something really important to pick up there.

Nothing complicated right? You’d assume that it’s just a matter of simply getting up and walking or taking a train or cab to 14th street.

However, what if for some reason or another, though you had an aim of going to 14th Street, you’d somehow always wind up on 125th Street? (for some of you reading this, that would be the ultimate nightmare, especially if this was 15-20 years ago or more….hahahahaha)

After this happening so many times, you’d say to yourself, “Why is it that every time I aim to go to 14th Street I ALWAYS wind up on 125th Street? What the hell?”

What’s also funny is you notice that no matter how resolved and determined you are to make it to 14th street at the beginning of your journey, you somehow always find yourself standing on 125th street, FAR away from your original destination.

What’s going on?

Well, it seems that somewhere along the way, despite your best intentions, you unknowingly keep on deciding to make the same wrong turn that sends you in the OPPOSITE direction of where you want to go.

This has been my life for years up until now when it came to success, especially in the area of finances.

I’d start off every year, or if not every year, every new beginning after emerging from a downward spiral of failure, confusion and frustration firmly resolved that “this time” was going to be different and that this time was going to be the time I finally got my proverbial “crap” together and reach my destination.

But then of course, several months later, I’d be caught up in the same tizzy of confusion, discouragement, procrastination, frustration and on top of that shame for not being able to get anywhere.

When you can’t seem to reach your goals and you can’t figure out for the life of you “why” despite all your best efforts, gifts, talents and intelligence, you start to feel impotent. Feelings of impotence come from not being able to affect your own life the way you desire, and that in turn makes you feel helpless.

Speaking for myself as a man, when you feel helpless to do anything in your own life, you start to feel emasculated.

What I wasn’t aware of all these years were the decisions that I was making on a deeper level that turned me away from where I wanted to go. I had just thought that it was simply a matter of me not working or trying hard enough, or me not being focused enough.

Yes these factors were indeed part of the issue, but what triggered them were the underlying thought processes, decisions, emotions and behaviours that I didn’t see that were throwing me off course.

After years of hitting a brick wall over and over again, last year I decided that it was time I see a therapist to help me get to the root of my issues with success and money. It was through this that a whole new world opened up to me about the underlying ways I was getting in my own way of success.

I will admit, I’m not at the “Promised Land” yet, but I definitely have a lot more clarity as to why I have not been able to achieve the success I desired. I am also much more aware of the decisions I was conditioned to habitually make that led me down the wrong road and I’m getting to a point now where I can see the old thought patterns coming and make a different decision that would lead me down a better road.

As I continue with therapy, layer after layer gets peeled off of what’s been standing in my way, but in a nutshell, it all comes down to self awareness.

There are many of you who are reading this who are sharp, ambitious, well-read, intelligent and have a bunch of talent and gifts but have not been able to achieve your goals. You go to all these seminars, you read all these self-improvement books, you say a million and one affirmations every morning and night, and yet you’ve not been able to get to where you want to go. You always seem to be starting at square one over and over again with the promise to yourselves that things are going to be different this time around but yet you always get the same outcome….nothing.

As a person who has been through this and is still going through this, I can spot some of you a mile away, and believe me, I feel your pain. By all intents and purposes, you should be successful but the problem is, you can’t seem to get out of your own way.

The subject of self awareness has been a consistent topic of several of many of my past blogs because I cannot underscore its importance. If you want something different in life, you have to do things differently, but in order to do things differently, you have to first SEE what you’re doing. If you can’t see what you’re doing, how do you know what to change?

Learning to become more aware of your habitual behaviours, thought patterns, decisions and actions, questioning whether they really serve you or not, and journaling about what you subsequently come across is a good place to start. However, because two sets of eyes are usually better than one, especially when the second set can provide you with a fresh, unbiased opinion of who you are, getting some therapy, coaching or counseling in addition to becoming more self aware may prove to be more effective.

Once you’re able to see what’s been unknowingly leading you astray, that sense of helplessness will gradually get replaced by a sense of empowerment that comes with being able to be a cause of your circumstances rather than an effect.

You’ll also be able to be aware enough to make the right turns along the way to lead you to where you desire to go.

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps,

Ike Love